It had been a hard year - heartbreakin' hard! Unbelievably hard! My world crashed and burned!
Everything that mattered most to me seemed to go up in flames. My heart burned and the ashes seemed a safe place to fall -- and to stay. Unresponsive to encouragement, I sat in the ashes for a long time. My hands filled with fists of ashes. I could smell the ashes regardless of where I was. Like the smell of the ashes in our fireplace that seem to overtake me sometimes - I could smell them!
I lost one child - not to death - to circumstances and now am at risk of losing another because of the previous circumstances. Some of them were my own doing, but a lot of them weren't. Nevertheless, I ended up in ashes. The decisions I had made earlier in my life based on good solid advice from people of character and people who I admired people who made their living giving advice now threatened everything I held dear.
I needed to get up; I just couldn't muster the oomph to do it. Sadness feels natural; sorrow is comfortable. I knew I couldn't wallow in the ashes forever. And here's the sweet thing: God knew this too. He knelt down next to me and extended a helping hand up. He promised: Give me the ashes; I'll do something with them. Something beautiful.
He spoke this message in hundreds of ways, but it wasn't until I was at my lowest that I understood the message He was giving me. In fact, He gave it to me time after time. It's just that I tend to be a little hard headed sometimes - so it's difficult to get things through to me. Beauty for ashes. How many times have I heard this? How many ways has it been preached? How many times has it been sung by various artists? But one day it clicked for me. Beauty for ashes. I have plenty of ashes could He really give me something beautiful in exchange for them? And there He was. Our God of redemption and resurrection, speaking His timeless message once again--for me, for you. Give me the ashes; I'll do something with them. Something beautiful.
It's been a while since I got that message. I wish I could tie up my story with a pretty bow. Say that I unclenched my fists, gave God the soot, and have been happy-go-lucky ever since. But I won't--because that's not the truth.
I want to be real. And real is that it took a long time to see anything redemptive in my heartbreak. In fact, there are a LOT of scars from that heartbreak that are still very visible. Real is also my trust -- my faith -- in a God who makes life worth living. Even when I can't wrap my mind around life's crazy questions. I'll stay committed to taking Him at His Word, regardless of my circumstances; believing He is a loving Creator who is making beauty in my life even from ashes; hoping for what remains unseen.
I'll continue to look for His goodness because truly the most beautiful thing in the midst of pain is a faithful God. One who stands by One who redeems--all things. One who creates masterpieces out of muck. A God who took the most hopeless situation and the ultimate death and resurrected hope. Resurrected our hope; Jesus
Psalm 6:4 NIV
Turn, Lord, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love.
Everything that mattered most to me seemed to go up in flames. My heart burned and the ashes seemed a safe place to fall -- and to stay. Unresponsive to encouragement, I sat in the ashes for a long time. My hands filled with fists of ashes. I could smell the ashes regardless of where I was. Like the smell of the ashes in our fireplace that seem to overtake me sometimes - I could smell them!
I lost one child - not to death - to circumstances and now am at risk of losing another because of the previous circumstances. Some of them were my own doing, but a lot of them weren't. Nevertheless, I ended up in ashes. The decisions I had made earlier in my life based on good solid advice from people of character and people who I admired people who made their living giving advice now threatened everything I held dear.
I needed to get up; I just couldn't muster the oomph to do it. Sadness feels natural; sorrow is comfortable. I knew I couldn't wallow in the ashes forever. And here's the sweet thing: God knew this too. He knelt down next to me and extended a helping hand up. He promised: Give me the ashes; I'll do something with them. Something beautiful.
He spoke this message in hundreds of ways, but it wasn't until I was at my lowest that I understood the message He was giving me. In fact, He gave it to me time after time. It's just that I tend to be a little hard headed sometimes - so it's difficult to get things through to me. Beauty for ashes. How many times have I heard this? How many ways has it been preached? How many times has it been sung by various artists? But one day it clicked for me. Beauty for ashes. I have plenty of ashes could He really give me something beautiful in exchange for them? And there He was. Our God of redemption and resurrection, speaking His timeless message once again--for me, for you. Give me the ashes; I'll do something with them. Something beautiful.
It's been a while since I got that message. I wish I could tie up my story with a pretty bow. Say that I unclenched my fists, gave God the soot, and have been happy-go-lucky ever since. But I won't--because that's not the truth.
I want to be real. And real is that it took a long time to see anything redemptive in my heartbreak. In fact, there are a LOT of scars from that heartbreak that are still very visible. Real is also my trust -- my faith -- in a God who makes life worth living. Even when I can't wrap my mind around life's crazy questions. I'll stay committed to taking Him at His Word, regardless of my circumstances; believing He is a loving Creator who is making beauty in my life even from ashes; hoping for what remains unseen.
I'll continue to look for His goodness because truly the most beautiful thing in the midst of pain is a faithful God. One who stands by One who redeems--all things. One who creates masterpieces out of muck. A God who took the most hopeless situation and the ultimate death and resurrected hope. Resurrected our hope; Jesus
Psalm 6:4 NIV
Turn, Lord, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love.
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