Have you ever been so frustrated, so angry, felt so lost that you didn't know where to go or what to do next? Maybe you don't have a LizFranc fracture or some other physical thing going on, but when things don't seem to be going your way do you find yourself wanting to scream out like I did in the last chapter? It's okay, you know. Our Father knows how frustrated we get, and He knows and expects us to not like it. After all, He created us ... and get this ... He created us in His image! So I wonder does that mean He gets frustrated too? Well, I think He must. In fact, I know He does.
Go back and re-read the story of Noah and why God was destroying the world. You can also go back to the stories of Abraham and Lot and Sodom and Gomorrah. I'd say yes, He gets frustrated with us humans. All through the story of Moses and the children of Israel, we read where time and time again God was angry with the children of Israel. Yet when they repented and called on Him, He forgave them and delivered them from their troubles.
So...I repented for being angry with God, and I repented for screaming at Him (yep, I really did literally scream out those things I said I felt like screaming). Then I waited and listened.
"And there came an angel of the LORD, and sat under an oak which was in Ophrah, that pertained unto Joash the Abiezrite: and his son Gideon threshed wheat by the winepress, to hide it from the Midianites. And the angel of the LORD appeared unto him, and said unto him, The LORD is with thee, though mighty man of valour. And Gideon said unto him, Oh my Lord, if the LORD be with us, why then is all this befallen us? and where be all his miracles which our fathers told us of, saying, Did not the LORD bring us up from Egypt? but now the LORD hath forsaken us, and delivered us into the hands of the Midianites. And the LORD looked upon him, and said, Go in this thy might, and thou shalt save Israel from the hand of the Midianites: have not I sent thee? And he said unto him, Oh my Lord, wherewith shall I save Israel? behold, my family is poor in Manasseh, and I am the least in my father's house." Judges 6:11-15 KJV
The story of Gideon and his reign as judge over Israel in Chapters 6 through 8 has been near to my heart for many years. Like many of you who are reading these words, I feel totally inadequate to do what God has called me to do. Not only do I feel inadequate, but like Gideon when God called me to ministry, I said, "But God, how can I minister to anybody? I am the least useable in my family, and although my Dad is a minister - he's just a minister. It's not like he's some super-preacher on TV or pastors a mega church. He's just one of your ministers. Besides I need too much ministering to myself to be trying to minister to someone else." Then God spoke to my heart and said, "I know you can't, but I can - through you." So I argued more, "But look at me. I'm not beautiful like Paul White or Judy Jacobs. It's not like I've got some amazing talent like Karen Wheaton or Cece Winans. I'm not even young at this point. Even those ministers today that aren't labeled "beautiful" in the world's eyes ... At least they've already been doing this for years. They started young and have built their ministry over many years. It's rather late for me to be starting out, don't you think? I was young, but now I am old!" And again God spoke to my heart and said, "You are not old! Moses was 80 when I called him to deliver the children of Israel, and Sarah was 90 when she gave birth to Isaac. You're nowhere near that old, so get over it." The more excuses I came up with, the more He reminded me of His word. So finally I relented and said, "Yes, Lord."
Then it began to hit me. It began to really hit me.I had just agreed to minister to God's people. The Bible says when someone has been given much, much will be required in return, and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more, will be required. To me that means if I'm given a ministry, which in my mind is MUCH, then God is going to require MUCH of me in return! Haaaaaacgh! (No, I didn't go to sleep on my keyboard. That's what it sounds like when a cat coughs up a hairball. Got it? By the way, that's not my original noise. I hear it on a regular basis from someone very dear to me that God has allowed me to minister to. When I say something she doesn't necessarily want to hear ... I get that cat with a hairball sound!) Even now just thinking about God requiring MUCH of me makes shivers run up and down my spine.
So then I'm thinking if I'm willing to obey Him, do my utmost to please Him, go where He wants me to go and stay where He wants me to stay ... my life should be pretty good, right? WRONG! It doesn't work that way. James 1:2 tells us not only will there be trials and tribulations, but we are to count it joy when they come! Haaaaaacgh! I don't know what you get out of that verse but to me if the Bible says "when trials and tribulations come" - that means they are probably already on the way! It also means there is definitely much required here, because I find it really difficult to count it all joy when I'm in the middle of a war - especially when it seems I'm the primary target of the artillery! And yet, He wants me to count it all joy! I'm the target of all the ammunition - and I'm supposed to be happy with it! Haaaaaacgh!
Go back and re-read the story of Noah and why God was destroying the world. You can also go back to the stories of Abraham and Lot and Sodom and Gomorrah. I'd say yes, He gets frustrated with us humans. All through the story of Moses and the children of Israel, we read where time and time again God was angry with the children of Israel. Yet when they repented and called on Him, He forgave them and delivered them from their troubles.
So...I repented for being angry with God, and I repented for screaming at Him (yep, I really did literally scream out those things I said I felt like screaming). Then I waited and listened.
"And there came an angel of the LORD, and sat under an oak which was in Ophrah, that pertained unto Joash the Abiezrite: and his son Gideon threshed wheat by the winepress, to hide it from the Midianites. And the angel of the LORD appeared unto him, and said unto him, The LORD is with thee, though mighty man of valour. And Gideon said unto him, Oh my Lord, if the LORD be with us, why then is all this befallen us? and where be all his miracles which our fathers told us of, saying, Did not the LORD bring us up from Egypt? but now the LORD hath forsaken us, and delivered us into the hands of the Midianites. And the LORD looked upon him, and said, Go in this thy might, and thou shalt save Israel from the hand of the Midianites: have not I sent thee? And he said unto him, Oh my Lord, wherewith shall I save Israel? behold, my family is poor in Manasseh, and I am the least in my father's house." Judges 6:11-15 KJV
The story of Gideon and his reign as judge over Israel in Chapters 6 through 8 has been near to my heart for many years. Like many of you who are reading these words, I feel totally inadequate to do what God has called me to do. Not only do I feel inadequate, but like Gideon when God called me to ministry, I said, "But God, how can I minister to anybody? I am the least useable in my family, and although my Dad is a minister - he's just a minister. It's not like he's some super-preacher on TV or pastors a mega church. He's just one of your ministers. Besides I need too much ministering to myself to be trying to minister to someone else." Then God spoke to my heart and said, "I know you can't, but I can - through you." So I argued more, "But look at me. I'm not beautiful like Paul White or Judy Jacobs. It's not like I've got some amazing talent like Karen Wheaton or Cece Winans. I'm not even young at this point. Even those ministers today that aren't labeled "beautiful" in the world's eyes ... At least they've already been doing this for years. They started young and have built their ministry over many years. It's rather late for me to be starting out, don't you think? I was young, but now I am old!" And again God spoke to my heart and said, "You are not old! Moses was 80 when I called him to deliver the children of Israel, and Sarah was 90 when she gave birth to Isaac. You're nowhere near that old, so get over it." The more excuses I came up with, the more He reminded me of His word. So finally I relented and said, "Yes, Lord."
Then it began to hit me. It began to really hit me.I had just agreed to minister to God's people. The Bible says when someone has been given much, much will be required in return, and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more, will be required. To me that means if I'm given a ministry, which in my mind is MUCH, then God is going to require MUCH of me in return! Haaaaaacgh! (No, I didn't go to sleep on my keyboard. That's what it sounds like when a cat coughs up a hairball. Got it? By the way, that's not my original noise. I hear it on a regular basis from someone very dear to me that God has allowed me to minister to. When I say something she doesn't necessarily want to hear ... I get that cat with a hairball sound!) Even now just thinking about God requiring MUCH of me makes shivers run up and down my spine.
So then I'm thinking if I'm willing to obey Him, do my utmost to please Him, go where He wants me to go and stay where He wants me to stay ... my life should be pretty good, right? WRONG! It doesn't work that way. James 1:2 tells us not only will there be trials and tribulations, but we are to count it joy when they come! Haaaaaacgh! I don't know what you get out of that verse but to me if the Bible says "when trials and tribulations come" - that means they are probably already on the way! It also means there is definitely much required here, because I find it really difficult to count it all joy when I'm in the middle of a war - especially when it seems I'm the primary target of the artillery! And yet, He wants me to count it all joy! I'm the target of all the ammunition - and I'm supposed to be happy with it! Haaaaaacgh!
No comments:
Post a Comment